Lessons From Pre-School Photos

The following photos of Lainey at pre-school today reminded me of things that make life great:

A fun, comfy spot to rest

A good book to read

A friend to sit next to and read with

A friend to learn with and play with

Friends to sing and dance with

Don't be fooled.
These are very important for all of us to remember, especially for myself.

My Grandpa Walker

Last night, as I lay in bed, I found myself thinking about my grandfather, Dale Walker.
I will admit that I do not think of him nearly enough.
Yesterday was the 18th anniversary of his death.
It doesn't feel like that long ago.
Except it was.

At the time I was still living at home, attending the community college and working at Subway. I think it is fairly safe to say that I was pretty self-absorbed at that point in my life - hopefully that is not still the case.

I cannot remember much about the weeks prior to his passing, but I have vivid memories of one of the last times I saw my grandfather alive. My mother decided to go to New Athens to help around the house, as Grandpa was basically bedridden. I decided to go along with her. I remember thinking that it was such a big ordeal to me, as I had to email my teachers that day to let them know I would not be attending class - as if they cared. Looking back on it now, that seems like such a trivial thing and worthless to worry about. Thankfully, I made the right decision and hopped in the conversion van for the hour and fifteen minute trip.

When we arrived, I help Grandpa get from the bedroom to his recliner by the front door. He settled in for a period of time and seemed very quiet. After a while, I helped him walk to the bathroom. Once he was finished, I helped him move to his bed. This was the last time I ever saw my grandfather standing. As he rested in his bed, I helped him get comfortable, helped get him a drink and spent the time talking to him about what mom was helping grandma with in the kitchen.

After a couple of hours, it became readily apparent that his condition was worsening. Uncle Keith had come over and we were going to get Grandpa into the Green Escort to take to the hospital. Not having a wheelchair in the house, we resorted to grabbing one of the wooden kitchen chairs from the kitchen. We set Grandpa into the chair and then we carried him out of the front door to the car. (My recollection is that I carried the feet of the chair, but that may be incorrect.) Once we were able to get Grandpa into the passenger side and buckled in, I leaned in, kissed his forehead and told my Grandfather that I loved him. I don't know that he had the power t
o respond vocally at that point (and I do not remember him saying anything to me in return), but I could see his response in his eyes. He loved us all.

I stepped back, watched the car leave the gravel driveway past the mailbox and turn the corner onto Hanft Street. I remember thinking that I might never see him again. I do not believe I ever did. I cannot tell you what day this all occurred on, as I cannot remember how long he was at the hospital. I do not believe it could have been too long. All I know is that this is my last memory of my Grandpa Walker, aside from his funeral.

Looking back, I am incredibly glad that I had the opportunity to help my

Grandfather that day. It's not something you think of ever doing as a grandchild, and it was nothing that I would have wanted to do if you had told me ahead of time what it would entail. Yet, in the moment, it was the natural thing to do, the right thing to do. I do not believe that i will never forget that day. I have forgotten some of the details. Perhaps time has altered my memory of the timing of that visit. However, I know without a doubt that my Grandfather knew that I loved him - as I had shown it in action and through my words. That's a very special thing for me to know without a doubt.

Thinking back, even now, I still feel like crying over the loss of my Grandfather.

He wasn't a giant of a man.
He was tall and thin.
He wasn't boisterous and loud.
He was a quiet man.
He loved gardening and didn't get too upset when we played in his corn.
He loved taking his grand-kids wagon rides behind his lawn tractor.
He kept the fridge in the garage stocked with Vess soda, because he loved his grand-kids.
He lived a fairly simple life and that was good enough.

It's hard to believe that I have now lived more than half of my life without Grandpa Walker in it.

I'd like to think that my love for Christmas time, Christmas lights and grilling comes, in some degree, from him.
I hope that he'd be happy with who I have become - I'd like to think so.

Grandpa Walker - you are loved and missed.

A Life Well Lived - Scarlett

This morning I stopped in to the visitation of a friend who passed away last week. I am thankful I found out it in time to attend as I saw many of her family, who are friends of mine as well, that I haven't seen in over 6 years. I visited with them briefly and answered questions about my family. In many ways it felt like a reunion of sorts, which I suppose is the way you might want a funeral to be. While there is definitely more than a hint of sorrow throughout the room, there was a kindness and love that was a great reflection of the friend we had all lost.

Scarlett O'Hara Matlock was 62 years old when she obtained her reward for a life well-lived for the glory of God. She had endured more pain and suffering than many people will ever have in their lifetime and she did it with a joy that was obviously not of this world. I saw her exhibit this joy in suffering many times. Scarlett always expressed her love for people without shame, hesitation or qualification. I was privileged enough to be able to help her move around from time to time by carrying her from her bed to a couch or chair. I was reminded today by her family of how I had helped her in this way. She was light and frail due to illness, yet full of life and a passion for God that was unmistakeable.

It's not that I had forgotten having carried her - it's just that I never attached any great amount of significance to it when I was doing it. It was something that needed to be done and I was capable of doing it, so I did it. And yet, years later, the family remembered and even introduced me as the man who carried Scarlett around the house. I am reminder that simple acts of kindness that don't cost you anything but time and a little bit of energy can mean so much more to people. I need to be cognizant of the opportunities I have presented to me to help other people.

I was told by her brother that some of Scarlett's last words were "God is Good, all the time."
Indeed He is. She was faithful to God and He is ever Faithful to her, and us.

I am thankful for having known Scarlett, as I would imagine everyone who ever met her would agree.
She made the world a brighter place - a more lovely place.I am thankful that there is no doubt that she is in the presence of God, where she most longed to be. Her suffering is over. Her joy is complete.

Oh, that my life would more closely resemble hers.

Lord help me learn to love others and endure hardship in a way that brings glory and praise to you.

Photos: Baby Boy Ultrasound at 37 weeks

With Lydia and Lainey, we never had an ultrasound this late in the pregnancy.
As Lisa said in the doctor's office, "It kind of feels like we are cheating" by getting to see him sooner.
Well, since we're going to be meeting this little guy sooner than later, I'd like to let you cheat as well.

Oh, and for those of you inquisitive types, he was estimated to be weighing 8lbs at this point and somewhere in the 39 week range - so he looks to be big and healthy.

Click on any image to see the larger size.

Update: For some reason, this post has been getting a bunch of views lately. For those of you who somehow found your way here - "Welcome!"  If you'd leave a comment as to what you were searching for that led you here, that would help ease my curiosity a bit. If you were looking for adorable pictures of my little boy at 37 weeks, then I guess you came to the right place. God is good and Marshall is still healthy and growing like a weed.   :)

Valentine's Day Recap

Valentine's Day has come and gone again.
Hopefully your day was better than this little guy's:


Our Valentine's Day was spent with me working, Lisa keeping the girls entertained with numerous Holiday activities and a night spent at home for all of us. We exchanged cards after dinner and just enjoyed being together. That seems appropriate for this day.

Celebration of Lights 2012

On Tuesday evening, Lisa and girls met me for dinner at Buffalo Wild Wings. After dinner we drove out to O'Fallon for the Celebration of Lights. We had never gone to this event, but had heard that the light displays are quite amazing, once you get through the long line of cars waiting to enter the park. Well, on this night it was for pedestrians only, with no vehicles allowed in the park. We waited in a line of vehicles waiting to enter a parking lot, where we finally parked at one of the churches that was running shuttles to the entrance.

As we approached the line for the buses I was certain it would take us an hour to even get on a bus. Lisa and the girls wandered over to a tent and grabbed some free hot chocolate as I held our place in line. There were three lines waiting for the buses and each bus that pulled up went to a different line to pick up passengers. The first two buses pulled up to the other groups and as we awaited the next bus for our group I heard that they were only filling the buses halfway, as the bus would then drive down the road to another church to pick up more people. I started counting people in line ahead of us and figured we were about 30th in line. I guessed that each bus could hold 60 people, so I was worried we would not be able to get on the next bus and that we would have to wait for 4 more buses.

The next bus arrived and as we walked up towards the door, the volunteer was obviously counting people. She was moving to stop me in my place when she realized that the 4 of us were together and let us pass before stopping the next person. We climbed on the bus and moved towards the back, with Lydia sitting with me and Lainey with Lisa. The girls had never been on a big bus before, so it was all very exciting to them. Our bus made its way down the street in the line of cars and then proceeded to pass the entrance of the event to get to the next location. We pulled into the other church parking lot and picked up 4 people. I admit to being a little but frustrated at this point.There's no real reason why they shouldn't have filled the bus at our pickup point, but we were on the bus so it didn't really matter.

We finally arrived at the entrance and made our way through the line to pay our entrance fee. As we walked along the road, the number of lights strung from the trees on both sides was incredible. The entire roadside was lined with trees over 20 feet tall that were all colored in lights. Periodically, there were little scenes erected by various volunteer groups. The girls particularly enjoyed the scenes with characters they recognized (Sesame Street, Angry Birds, Toy Story). About halfway through our walk the fireworks display starting. This frightened Lainey, but Lydia was absolutely mesmerized at the beginning. A few minutes into the display, there were numerous successive loud explosions which pushed Lainey over the edge and dimmed Lydia's excitement. Thankfully, the fireworks did not continue for too long and we were able to continue on.

At the point where Lydia was really getting ready to want to leave we came upon a volunteer who was handing out lollipops. Some of you may know that our girls love lollipops and get them every week as we leave church. This perfectly timed event propelled us through the rest of the walk. At this point it was past the girls normal bedtime and we knew we were pushing into dangerous meltdown territory. Near the end we came upon a line of people waiting to enter a tent to see Santa Claus. I grabbed Lydia, walked around the line, picked her up and leaned into the tent door so she could catch a glimpse of Kris Kringle. She was pretty excited about that. I didn't even bother trying to do so with Lainey because she seemed content in her stroller at that point and she is terrified of the big elf.

After that brief excursion, we ran into our friends the Lortons, who were hustling their way to the finish as well. The girls were happy to see Owen and Jackson (baby Harrison was all covered up), but it is safe to say that all the kids were beyond tired at this point. We made our way out of the entrance and opted to walk the 1/3 of a mile back to the church, instead of waiting in the long line for the bus. This proved to be a smart decision. Upon arriving back at the church, we took a restroom break before loading back into the car. This was also a wise decision.

I dropped Lisa off with the other car at BWWs and on the way home I talked to the girls about their day and the lights we had seen. We all said "Hello" to the Mid Rivers Cow and Lydia said "That cow is always dressing up different." I had the girls Christmas music playing and I was singing along with it. Shortly thereafter Lainey was quiet. I figured she might have fallen asleep. A few minutes later I realized I hadn't heard Lydia singing in a while. I peeked back to find her all slouched over across the middle of the back sleep, sound asleep. When we arrived home I carried Lydia to bed and Lisa grabbed Lainey. Lydia awoke briefly as I took her coat off, but she was exhausted. Lisa came into the room and Lydia mumbled "Night night".

Lisa and I both agree that it was a fun night, but that we had walked along the edge of meltdown several times. If either of the girls had started crying I am doubtful that our memory of the experience would be so positive, but as it turned out, we all had a wonderful time. I am not sure that we will do it again anytime soon - we might attempt to view the lights through the car next time. All in all, it was a great evening out with the family.

The Fall and God's Love

Lydia's preschool teacher has a blog that she updates every day with lots of photos and updates on what they are learning and doing. This was how today's blog began:

Proud.
Humbled.
Blessed beyond measure.

"Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it." - Proverbs 22:6

An Evening Well Spent

This past week, the temperatures in St. Louis dropped and it felt like fall was upon us. Saturday night we returned home from a day trip to visit Lisa's grandparents in Greenville, IL, which is where we held our wedding one week shy of 8 years ago. This was one of those trips where the time spent with the relatives is wonderful, but the hour plus car ride there and back proved exhausting, as our girls just seemed to be unsettled and wanting to whine and argue a lot.

We enjoyed dinner of grilled cheese and chicken noodle soup on the patio in our backyard and then I lit the fire pit for the first time this season and the first time at the new house. We roasted some marshmallows with the girls and made s'mores, and then proceeded to bath-time and bedtime for the girls.

Lisa and I returned to the fire pit and sat around it for an hour, as the small fire slowly died. I spent most of the time talking, as Lisa had asked me a question that I evidently had more to say about then I would have guessed. So there we sat, wrapped in blankets in our chairs, holding hands and enjoying our environment and one another's company until the embers began to fade and the temperature finally forced us inside.

It's an extreme understatement to say that we have been blessed.
We have two beautiful, healthy little girls that bring so much joy into our lives, as well as to others.
We enjoy our time with both of our families and live close to both sides that it is convenient.
We live in a wonderful home that we are thrilled beyond belief to raise our family in.
We lack for nothing and have more than we need.
We are blessed.

I thank God for all these blessings and more
I am so glad that I can sit with my wife in the cool of the evening, share a moment of conversation with her in our wonderful backyard, enjoy being in each other's presence and know that  there are many people who cannot honestly say that.
I am blessed.

400 Meter Dash in 4 Minutes

This video killed me with encouragement.
Watch the video, then read the story of Matt W's triumphant race.

The Marriage Commitment Reflects the Depth of Love

In contrast to how the world defines love and the importance of marriage:

"But when the Bible speaks of love, it measures it primarily not by how much you want to receive but by how much you are willing to give yourself to someone. How much are you willing to lose for the sake of this person? How much of your freedom are you willing to forsake? How much of your precious time, emotion, and resources are your willing to invest in this person? And for that, the marriage vow is not just helpful but it is even a test. In so many cases, when one person says to another, "I love you, but let's not ruin it by getting married," that person really means, "I don't love you enough to close off all my options. I don't love you enough to give myself to you that thoroughly." To say, "I don't need a piece of paper to love you," is basically to say "My love for you has not reached the marriage level."  - Tim Keller "The Meaning of Marriage", p78

Release the Beast

Over a month ago, Lisa started talking to Lydia about Halloween.
When asked what she wanted to dress up as, Lydia responded with "Belle" (Beauty and the Beast)
Then she followed that up quickly with "And daddy's going to be the Beast!"

And that is how we ended up being the Disney themed family this Halloween. Lisa reused a Snow White outfit she made and wore in high school and Lainey was dressed as a dwarf (wearing a gnome outfit that we purchased on clearance last year).

After walking the 2 nearest blocks, we headed back to our neighbors house where we sat around their fire-pit, handed out candy and talked. We all had a great time and Lydia made a candy killing.

"Tale as old as time..."

Bathroom Conversation

This happened this morning in our main bathroom. [ Lydia seated on the toilet] Me: "Lydia, you are such a big girl. You have done a great job going bathroom on the potty. And you are doing a good job taking care of Bell. And you are a good friend to Lainey." [Lydia looks at me and pauses a couple of moments.] Lydia: "And I am a good girl for Jesus." Me: "Yes you are." And I walked away from that bathroom with a huge smile and a full heart. I pray that God captures her heart early.

Blessings at Bedtime

Yesterday, Lydia took a nap that extended well past the 3 hour mark. When we finally awakened her, she wasn't really that hungry for dinner. By the time she finished dinner and played in the living room for 20 minutes or so, Lainey was getting tired. Lisa told Lydia that Lainey was tired and was going to go to bed and just casually asked Lydia if she was ready to go to bed. We were both shocked when Lydia grabbed her blanket and said "Yes". Lydia went down very easily and was very quiet in her room for quite some time. Then, we began to periodically hear her talking. She stayed in her bed, in her room in the dark until after 9:15, when Lisa was getting ready to go to bed.

I went in to Lydia's room and asked her if she wanted to fall in sleep in bed with mommy. (We have never let her do this, except for one time when she was quite ill.) She quickly agreed and made her way into our bed. Lydia lay on my side of the bed, snuggled up under the blankets, while Lisa cozied up next to her. I kissed them both goodnight and shut the door behind me as I left.

As I walked through our kitchen, God firmly impressed it upon me exactly how blessed I am. I have a house over my head, food in my belly, a beautiful bride and 2 wonderful children.

I'd like to say that I will never forget how I felt the first time I got to carry my eldest daughter from our bed to her bed for the first time, but I know that I just might forget that moment. So this is for me: In that moment, I felt like God must feel every time he makes the sun rise: His mercies are new every morning (Lamentations 3:22-23). I got to help my daughter fall asleep in one place and awake in another. She was happy. My wife was happy. I was happy. And in the morning, we were all ready to live another day.

I hope to carry her many more times under the same circumstances.

A Brief Recap of the Past 3 Months

It's been a while, but I won't apologize for two reasons.
1 - I've been busy with work, a certification and life
2 - It's my blog and hardly anyone reads it anyways :)

Here's a quick recap of the past several months -
I obtained my Professional in Human Resources (PHR) certification in June, which is a pretty big deal in this career path I am currently on. I studied as much as I could stand in the weeks leading up to it and am thrilled to have passed the exam. So now, it has been proven that I am certifiable. :)

My job had been crazy busy. When you go from a huge company with all sorts of corporate support and outsources services to a small site responsible for all of its own business, it means there is a ton of work to be done. I worked really hard at getting our new payroll/HRIS system implemented and launched with only a few minor mishaps along the way. The benefits side of things took forever and has proven to be quite the nightmare. It has been a time of transition, with me reporting to a new boss. She's been really great and has expressed total confidence in my ability to perform the tasks that are now required of me. Overall, I feel really good about what I have accomplished in helping start this new company. It's been a stressful couple of months, but the experience I have gained, and will continue to gain, is invaluable.

Family life is awesome.
Lisa continues to work for St. John's in labor and delivery. It's amazing what modern medicine allows doctors to do during a pregnancy and it is amazing how many babies are saved these days that just a few years ago would have never had a prayer. Lisa has expressed interest in going back to school in the future, so we are going to have to start looking at that in some more detail very soon.

Lydia is completely in love with "Beauty and the Beast" and will watch or listen to the music as often as we will let her. She will also spontaneously break out into one of the songs at any moment. (I'm not sure where she gets her flair for the dramatic.) Her vocabulary is exploding and she loves playing outside in the backyard when the temperatures are not hovering in the 90s.

Adelaine continues to grow up too quickly. She is pulling up to a standing position and cruises anywhere she wants to go. She has taken a step on her own several time in the past few days and we expect her to start walking at any time. She babbles often and smiles almost constantly. She has also discovered that she enjoys 'real people food' and now has two teeth to help her in that pursuit.

I could write more, but I don't have the time right now.
I'll post some thoughts on several things in the next few days or so.
(Unless, of course, something better consumes my time.)

How to Avoid a Broken Heart

"To love all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully around with hobbies and little luxuries... lock it safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket - safe, dark motionless, airless - it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenerable, irredeemable... The only place outside of heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers of love is hell!"

- C.S. Lewis in "The Four Loves"

The Introduction - Baby #2

Adelaine Ruth Walker
Our second daughter was born on Monday, October 4, 2010 @ 2:18PM.
She weighed 8lbs 4oz and was 21.5in long.
She has quite a bit of hair and is absolutely perfect.
Mother and daughter are doing great!

Click here for some photos of Adelaine, or watch this slideshow:

Dancing in the Minefields - TuesdayTunes

Lyrics for "Dancing in the Minefields" by Andrew Peterson:

Well I was 19, you were 21
The year we got engaged
Everyone said we were much too young
But we did it anyway
We got the rings for 40 each from a pawnshop down the road
We said our vows and took the leap now 15 years ago

We went dancing in the minefields
We went sailing in the storms
And it was harder than we dreamed
But I believe that's what the promise is for

Well "I do" are the two most famous last words
The beginning of the end
But to lose your life for another I've heard is a good place to begin
'Cause the only way to find your life is to lay your own life down
And I believe it's an easy price for the life that we have found

And we're dancing in the minefields
We're sailing in the storms
And it was harder than we dreamed
But I believe that's what the promise is for
That's what the promise is for

So when I lose my way, find me
When I lose loves chains, bind me
At the end of all my faith to the end of all my days
when I forget my name, remind me

'Cause we bear the light of the Son of man
So there's nothing left to fear
So I'll walk with you in the shadow lands
Till the shadows disappear
'Cause He promised not to leave us
And his promises are true
So in the face of this chaos baby,
I can dance with you

So lets go dancing in the minefields
Lets go sailing in the storms
Oh, lets go dancing in the minefields
And kicking down the doors
Oh, lets go dancing in the minefields
And sailing in the storms
Oh, this is harder than we dreamed
But I believe that's what the promise is for
That's what the promise is for

The Gospel Song

Lyrics:
Holy God in love became
Perfect man to bear my blame
On the cross he took my sin
By his death I live again.
 
(HT: Bob Kauflin)

A Crutch For the Weak?

Christianity isn't a crutch for the weak; it's a stretcher for the dead. We are so spiritually dead that we aren't even aware that we need to be saved. We need God to step into that deadness to make us aware of the peril.

- p. 49 Holy Vocabulary" by Michael Kelley

Repentance is Valuing Jesus Above All Else

But we can only walk away from something for so long. Eventually, just walking away wears us out. We get tired. We get bitter. We get angry. A moment must come when we aren't just walking away from something. At some point, we have to catch a vision, a breath, a taste of something that turns our attention and focus in a new direction. Only then can we truly leave things in the past and get excited about the future.

In order for repentance to hold, for it to "stick", we must be convinced that we're choosing something better than what we're leaving behind. Our motivation has to be turning toward something rather than just walking away from something else.

And this wraps it up:

Repentance is about choosing life with Christ over life with anything else. So repentance isn't about stopping what we're doing; it's about valuing Jesus more than what we're doing. That's why we turn; not just because our old ways are self-destructive, wrong, or immoral, but because of how much we value Christ. And how much we believe He's better than anything else.

- pp 45-46 "Holy Vocabulary" by Michael Kelley